i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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