her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
