if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm really into asian looking animals
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
