Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
