Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize