were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
