She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
