Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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