Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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