how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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