mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
