If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I love you. Go after that dick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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