we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
