Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
