I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
