so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
worst night to have a conscience
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's never too late to be topless.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
