i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
