She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
