i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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