how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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