I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
