rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
