Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
