she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
