my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
