Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
