Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
