Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Randomize
