Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
