There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
