Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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