If that was your dad, he is hot
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
