dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
