she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How does one acquire holy water?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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