"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize