It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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