They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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