Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
