As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
