Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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