my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
