I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
