I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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