the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
