I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
