I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
