We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
