All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
