Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think my vagina is haunted
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
