Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
