i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
