so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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