Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
