u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
