Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
