that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
