is your mom at the bar?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
