Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
