this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
