You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
