my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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