We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
