Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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