i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
