you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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