and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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