I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
