your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
