i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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