Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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