She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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