No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
