I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
