My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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