At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
