toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize