He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
