oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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