I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
