Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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