I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We left the knife in your bed.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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