I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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