he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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