so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
