College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
