for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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