went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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