i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
