On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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