People in love make me want to vomit
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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