I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
