i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
