I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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