This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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