i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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