burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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