I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
