you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
