so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
