Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
