My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
