wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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