69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
