I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
