ADVERTISEMENT

• (410): View more from Maryland

  i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.

  Fav 10 3395 813

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

  Fav 12 5114 1451

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.

  Fav 12 4266 1304

  share tweet
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.

  Fav 7 2853 887

  share tweet
  

• (941): View more from Florida

  I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.

  Fav 8 1331 750

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12

  Fav 6 2703 788

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (443): View more from Maryland

  I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.

  Fav 10 1597 690

  share tweet
  

• (216): View more from Ohio

  I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.

  Fav 4 1335 655

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore

  Fav 6 563 1017

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night

  Fav 0 706 393

  share tweet
  

• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too

  Fav 1 150 81

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (543): View more from

  Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.

  Fav 2 81 15

  share tweet
  

• (514): View more from Quebec

  i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.

  Fav 0 9 21

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.

  Fav 0 38 3

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  i can't wait.

  Fav 0 51 6

  share tweet
  

Randomize