When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
