if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
