he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize