at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
