I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
