He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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