i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
